Okay ladies, it’s officially Naughty November in the studio and I am SOOOO here for it. π₯
Buuuttt before we get into all the fun, I want to talk about something that’s been rattling around in my brain for a while now.
Who decided what’s naughty?
Like, seriously. Who sat down and said wanting to feel sexy is naughty? Wanting to be touched, wanted, seen? Wanting to buy the lace set just for YOU and not for an anniversary? Wanting your partner to look at you the way they did in the beginning? Wanting more pleasure, more attention, more joy?
When did our wants and needs become something we whisper about, blush over and hide in the back of the closet?
After photographing over 400 women in my boudoir photography studio here in Minneapolis, I can tell you this. Almost every single one of them walked in carrying some version of “I’m not supposed to want this.” And almost every single one walked out realizing that was a lie someone handed her a long, long time ago.
So let’s spill the tea on where “naughty” came from, why it got stuck to women’s sexuality, and how we take it back. π
Where the word “naughty” even came from
Here’s a fun little nerdy fact for you. Way back in Middle English, “naughty” literally meant having naught. As in nothing. Poor. Needy. Worthless.
Over time it slid into meaning wicked, then disobedient, then the cute little “you’re being naughty” we say to toddlers and puppies. (WeeLadd knows this word VERY well hahaha. π) And somewhere along the way it got glued to women’s bodies and women’s desires.
Think about that for a sec. A word that once meant “worth nothing” became the word we use for a woman who wants something. Oof. That one hits.
The good girl rules we never signed up for
Most of us were raised on a long list of unwritten rules. Maybe you grew up hearing some of these:
- Cross your legs. Sit like a lady.
- Don’t dress like that, what will people think?
- Good girls don’t talk about sex.
- Boys will be boys… but girls have a reputation to protect.
- Your body is something to cover, manage and keep under control.
For generations, women’s worth was tied to being pure, modest and agreeable. Religion, the Victorian era, purity culture, old school sex ed (if you even GOT any) and every magazine in the grocery store checkout line all taught us the same lesson. A man wanting sex is natural. A woman wanting sex is a problem.
I grew up on a farm in Montana, babe. And I’m guessing a lot of you, wherever you grew up, never got a warm, open talk about pleasure and self love either. We learned what “naughty” meant by watching what made the grownups go quiet.
Why our sexuality, wants and needs get labeled naughty
So why does it STILL stick? Even now, as grown women who pay our own bills and run our own lives? I think it comes down to three big things.
1. The double standard
Men get to be “players.” Women get called way worse. We’ve been taught that our desire makes us less trustworthy, less respectable, less of a “good wife” or “good mom.” So we shrink it. We joke about it. We pretend we don’t have it.
2. We were taught to be the one who gives, not the one who wants
Women are the caretakers. The planners. The ones who remember everyone’s birthday and forget to eat lunch. We’re SO used to meeting everyone else’s needs that having our own feels selfish. And wanting pleasure, just for us? That feels downright naughty.
Newsflash, gorgeous. Having needs isn’t selfish. It’s human.
3. Shame is a great way to keep us quiet
When something is labeled naughty, we stop talking about it. We don’t ask our partners for what we want. We don’t ask our doctors the questions we actually have. We don’t buy the lingerie. We don’t book the session. Shame keeps us small, and small is easy to control.
Here’s the thing I wish every woman knew. Your sexuality is not a scandal. Your wants are not a character flaw. Wanting to feel desired, wanting to feel beautiful, wanting to feel ALIVE in your body… that’s not naughty. That’s being a whole woman. β¨
And if you’re curvy, plus size or over 40? The shame gets a double dose
Let’s be real. Society didn’t just tell us sexuality was naughty. It told us sexuality was only allowed for a certain kind of body. Young. Thin. Smooth. Perfect lighting.
If you’re plus size, the message was “cover up.” If you’re curvy, the message was “don’t be too much.” If you’re in your 40s, 50s or 60s, going through menopause or just living in a body that has carried a whole lot of life, the message was “that part of you is done now.”
Ummm, NO ma’am. π€
I’ve been plus size for as long as I can remember. I know what it’s like to size up a chair before sitting in it. I know what it’s like to feel like sexy was a club you weren’t invited to. That’s exactly why I do what I do.
So many of the women I photograph come to me after a divorce, after a big life change, for a milestone birthday, or simply because they finally decided to do something for THEMSELVES. And a lot of them are in midlife, rediscovering who they are and what they want. That is not the end of your sexy, babe. For a lot of women, it’s the beginning.
Your stretch marks, your soft belly, your curves, your laugh lines… they are not something to hide. They’re part of the art. π
Reclaiming naughty: your desire is a form of self love
So what if we flipped it? What if naughty just meant… honest?
What if being naughty meant you finally stopped apologizing for wanting things? For wanting to feel sexy in your own skin. For wanting a partner who sees you. For wanting a day that is Just. For. You.
Here are three little ways to start reclaiming your naughty this month:
- Say your wants out loud. To your partner, to your bestie, or even just to yourself in the mirror. It feels weird at first. Do it anyway.
- Buy the thing. The lingerie, the bubble bath, the red lipstick you’ve been “saving for a special occasion.” YOU are the special occasion.
- Let yourself be seen. Not the filtered, sucked in, hiding behind the kids version of you. The real you. All of her.
Sensuality is not shameful, babe. It’s sacred. Confidence isn’t something you need before you show up for yourself. It’s what you get AFTER. π₯
Naughty November at the studio: your lead up to Black Friday π
Which brings me to my favorite part. ALL MONTH LONG we are celebrating Naughty November at Andrea Baue Photography, my boudoir and pinup studio in the historic Grain Belt Bottling Building in NE Minneapolis.
This is your permission slip to be a little naughty, a little bold and a whole lot YOU. Think steamy sets, cheeky pinup vibes and all the fun little extras like whipped cream and cherries, the wet t-shirt set, dripping in honey, crystal body jewelry and THEEE shower set. π¦
And here’s the naughtiest secret of all… this whole month is my lead up to BLACK FRIDAY. π€ My Black Friday deal is the biggest, juiciest offer I put out all year, and the women who are already on my list, in my group and in my DMs are the ones who hear about it FIRST.
And psssst… my After Dark sessions are officially OPEN for booking this month, and if you know, you KNOW. These babies sell out EVERY single year. π€ They’re a quickie, so there’s no hair and makeup and just one outfit. Perfect if you’re short on time, want to dip your toe in, or just want something a little darker and a lot sexier. If you’ve been eyeing one, grab your spot now before they’re gone.
And don’t you worry about the rest, babe. I’ve got you covered:
- A studio closet full of lingerie and pinup outfits, up to 6XL
- Professional hair and makeup
- Posing direction for EVERY body, from start to finish
- Prepayment plans so you can make it happen on any budget
- A judgment free space that feels like hanging out with your girlfriends
You are worthy RIGHT NOW. Not someday. Not 20 pounds from now. Now.
Want first dibs on Black Friday? Comment ME on my latest post or send me a message and I’ll put you on my Black Friday VIP list so you don’t miss it.
So tell me, gorgeous… what’s one “naughty” thing you’re finally giving yourself permission to want? π
Paragraph
